Why I Sit at Home Doing Nothing

People are always telling me I'm so depressed because I just sit at home doing nothing all the time. True? Yes. But there's a reason for that. In fact, there are actually multiple reasons for it. My anxiety makes it difficult for me to be in public places. I can go to Target or Walmart and shop for maybe 45 minutes and be completely fine. After 45 minutes is when things start to go downhill. When I've been hanging around strangers for much longer than that, I start to panic. I don't know why. There's no real logic behind it, no elevated threat or anything like that. I try to not think about it. I don't pay attention to the time or anything if I'm going to be out for a bit. It just creeps up on me.

The second reason behind my lack of "doing anything" is my fear of driving. I've been in two wrecks my whole life. The first was when I was about 15. It was Christmas night and we (my mom, stepdad, and I) were on our way back from my grandparents' house and we got hit by someone who ran a stop sign. We were going about 70 and ended up rolling and ending up in a ditch. My mom and stepdad were kind of banged up but nothing too serious, just cuts and bruises, but I was completely fine. The second was a year ago. I was stopped at traffic light and the intersection was backed up in my lane. The lane next to me started moving, and the guy behind me just paid attention to that so he started moving as well, and ended up in my ass. Didn't do anything at all to me and only scratched my bumper slightly but I had to get a new one anyway, which was a pain. At least Geico paid for it. Anyway, the point is, I've never really been in a wreck resulting in PTSD. So why do I have such a fear of driving? I honestly don't know.

The third reason is that no one ever has time. I try to make plans with people and I get replies like "maybe" or just "no". I also never get invited anywhere. Jodi will sometimes invite me shopping with her but that's about it. Most of my friends, I have to text them before I even hear from them. It is very rare that I get just a random text from someone other than Jodi that isn't a reply to something I said. I get plans together and try to find a companion and I either get no reply or they're too busy.

So from all of this, how am I supposed to have friends and have things to do? It's never been clear.