I think I'm going to come back and start actually writing on this thing frequently. Maybe if I bug my friends enough someone will eventually read it.
As my depression has waxed and waned, I've decided that maybe writing would help even things out. I've been having increasing hypomanic episodes and panic attacks which will last entire days. I'm kind of scared that I will start writing and it will drive me from a depressive episode into hypomania or, god forbid, full-blown mania. That kind of terrifies me. Now that Jodi is handling my money, I don't think things will be as bad. I won't be binging on Amazon musics. Once I can start actually having money in savings and have money to spend and still be able to get the bills paid, I think the daily panic attacks will at least slow. Maybe I can someday live in a world free of all panic attacks. But that world doesn't exist yet, it's just a concept. I've acquired some of the tools to start building that world, though, so I can start the building process. Maybe I'll invite my friends over to this new world to play video games and drink some drugs and smoke some alcohol, or whatever the kids do these days. (Because, you know, I'm not all hip with that stuff or whatever).
Where was I planning to go with this post? I don't think there was a plan for it. Anyone realize how fucked up that is for me? I'm doing something without planning it first. When was the last time I was spontaneous beyond deciding what I want to eat after I get to the restaurant. Even that is a rare thing; I usually already plan on what to get before I leave my house to eat. I look at online menus, even for fast food. I've looked at the McDonald's menu online more than any sane person would. Actually, I've probably looked at it so much that someone with severe obsessive-compulsive disorder would say it's extreme. Speaking of extremes, that whole statement was extreme. I do not actually look at it that often. The point I was making is, I plan everything, even trips across the street to McDonald's. But I feel like this is the best way to write, right? Right write. I hate homonyms. Not as much as that bullshit that goes on with words like read. Whose idea was it to take one word and pronounce it in different ways and have them be difference tenses of the same word? That's some fucked up, repugnant shit.
This is what happens during hypomanic episodes. I just say shit that may or may not be coherent. I don't know how that paragraph switched so quickly, but it did and I'm not going to edit this post, suckas, so deal with it. I cannot stop listening to Houndmouth. And when I say I can't stop, I mean I have been listening to this record on repeat for the past four days. I listen to it while I play GTA or Skyrim, I listen to it all day at work, and I listen to it on the drive home. They have one album and an EP. And I still don't get sick of it. 12 tracks, over and over, every day. I haven't done this since the first time I heard Decoration Day and my goddamn mind exploded. I can still remember when Bradley put that album on my iPod (yeah, this was when I still had an IPOD, so centuries ago) and I left their house and turned it on. The reason I have never really written about that album is because I just still cannot find the words to describe how much that album means to me. I think that album changed my life. That album introduced me to a new genre of music that was made for me. I grew up listening to country and then switched to hard rock and metal (then started spreading out more, but that's not important to the anecdote) and these guys were exactly that. They are a bunch of guys (and girl in the past) who grew up in the south and listened to rock, country, and soul. I had no idea those sounds could be mixed into such a sweet sound. I think I will discontinue this DBT speak and make it into a different post.
Back to Houndmouth. Two songs: Casino (Bad Things) and Hey Rose. I think if I listened to only those two songs for the rest of my life, I would be okay with it. I made a playlist called "two songs, one playlist" with just those two and listened to it on repeat for an entire day last week.
"I got my friends inside my pockets,
Got my gin tucked in my purse.
I keep my heart locked in gold so I don't ever get hurt
And I gamble 'til the lights of the casino are gone."
The power in Katie's voice in that song is just shocking. Lyrically and musically, it ranks high on my list of favorites. I realized yesterday that I have a lot of "Top 5" and "Top 10" lists (it's the Rob Gordon in me) and I think I might post them on here. Maybe if at some point people read this thing, I can turn some people onto music they fall in love with. If that happened with just one person, I would feel like I've accomplished something good in my life. I know I could never express my gratitude to Brad enough for turning me on to Drive-By Truckers. Or Michael's dad for forcing me to listen to Tom Waits every time I tried to call Michael in high school, same with Grateful Dead. I have rarely discovered a band who became a favorite on my own. I think maybe Rush. No one ever really introduced me to them. I got Moving Pictures when I got a bunch of my dad's records (which were not taken care of so are now in very poor condition) and I didn't know who Rush even was. I put that on and was blown away. So I suppose in a way my dad turned me on to them, but he didn't tell me anything about them or even that I should listen to them. Other than that, I think most of my favorite bands have been introduced to me from someone who knows music and knows what I should be listening to. Point of all this is, if I could introduce someone to a band that changed their life the way these bands have changed mine, I would feel like a good person, which is not something I feel frequently.
This post has been going on awhile. I think I might end it now and "do some work" or whatever they expect of me in this place. It's snowing. I'm not even supposed to be here today.
No comments:
Post a Comment